The inconsistent, contradictory ramblings of Scarlett the Harlot

  You can read the rest here.

Here's the thing about pro-lifers though, they very rarely actually care about the mother, her situation, or anything other than the "save the babyz" mentality. This is why abortion rights are such a hot-button issue for me. When I was fourteen I was expected to attend church with my parents. Part of church was Sunday School and my Sunday School teacher, JC--I shit not, was very, very conservative. He was really opinionated and full of himself and he was hell bent on indoctrinating the rest of us to his way of thinking. One particular Sunday JC got up in front of the class and read an email he'd allegedly received from a woman who used to be a late-term abortion provider. It was a five page email and described in graphic detail exactly what late term abortion was--basically the mother giving birth, the doctor removing the baby and drowning it in a medical pan, or squishing his brains in with forceps, or injecting its little soft spot with some kind of something to kill it before it was delivered.

Now me, I couldn't take it so I got up and left after he got through the first page. I had to come back and rejoin the class if only to get my purse and when I returned I was extolled for having a "heart of flesh" and JC just knew that because I couldn't stomach those pro-choice atrocities I was going to become a great activist for the anti-choice crowd.

Not exactly. I was actually so disturbed that I had to leave just after Sunday School and couldn't really formulate an articulate response to him so I'm not sure even now if that email was even legit or not. Knowing what I know now about anti-abortion people and their manipulative ways, I'd guess it was a hoax but JC sure didn't seem to think so. I have no idea how the rest of the group felt about the reading because I didn't ask. But I will say that one experience was enough to turn me off to the right-wing way of thinking and Christianity in general. Mainly because I refuse to believe in a God that justifies the hatred and violence aimed at people for basically living their lives.

Now get me--I don't believe abortion is for everyone and I don't believe in killing babies for fun. However, I do believe that a woman's body is her own and she damn sure should be able to choose what she does with it.

Also, as a woman who has had a pregnancy scare or two, here's something else--pregnancy is huge. HUGE. Just thinking you're pregnant is enough to seriously derail even the best of plans and when you actually are pregnant and you know it's not right for you I think is singly one of the scariest things a woman will face. Don't believe me, guys? Pretend your girlfriend comes to you right now and says she's pregnant. You know that fear that hits you? Times it by a million and one and that's what your girlfriend is feeling. Why? Because for her it's not an abstraction--there's actually something growing inside her.

The decision to abort is rarely something a woman does lightly, if for no other reason than she can't do it lightly. Before abortion was legal women had to find doctors on the down-low and pay them exorbatant sums. They faced legal action, permanent injury, and in some cases death. Back then, abortion was fucking dangerous. Now, a woman can't just show up at a clinic and get service either. The laws state that she has to have a thorough exam, she has to meet with a counselor, she has to go through a sonogram, she will have to face the judgment of her care providers because under the Bush administration it was ruled fair and okay for a person who doesn't agree with abortion to work in an abortion clinic (explain to me how it makes sense for you to work in a place where you are allowed to refuse to do your job description), she might have to fight her way through a picket line. If I'm not mistaken it takes two visits. And it still ain't cheap. But it's legal and it's a helluva lot safer.

But it is by no means easy.

And this doesn't even cover the mental roller coaster she's going to be on, the arguments she'll have with herself, the second guessing, the tears, the self-judgement, the fucking shame.

But if she knows it's right for her she'll go through with it and she'll get on with her life. Yes, her life. Because there's not just one life to worry about in the "pro-life" equation. The thing that kills me about most pro-lifers is that they say they care about the baby, they'll give you scads of numbers for adoption agencies and parenting classes, but once you've actually been swayed to their way of thinking that's where it stops. They really don't care about the child after birth, or even you for that matter. They don't care that you've just had a child that you're not emotionally or financially equipped to raise, they don't care that if you gave that child up for adoption you now need therapy because there's an actual person out there with your gene-stamp being raised by someone else--Juno was a great movie, but one crying scene in a hospital doesn't really cover everything you know.

I guess I just don't understand the pro-life philosophy. I mean, why oh why oh why is it so important for you to have control over my body? Why do you feel it's within your rights to tell me how to live my life? Why do you think it's okay to wave pictures of Jesus and dead fetuses at my face when you yourself aren't really doing what Jesus would have done by bombing, shooting, maiming, hurling epithets and yes, even protesting in the first place.

Lookit, I've chosen not to buy into the current incarnations of Christianity because there are so very many problems with the organized religion model as a whole. However, I think you (as pro-lifers who tend to be Christian) should really take a minute to stop and think about what you're doing and think about what Jesus would really do.

Your lord and savior was a model of compassion and love. Is it compassionate to tell a nineteen-year-old college sophomore that by choosing to end a pregnancy that she knows in her head and heart she can't handle she'll rot in the same hell as serial killers and child molesters? Or telling a woman that is experiencing severe complications from her pregnancy that by choosing to end it to save her own life she's a selfish whore? Or excommunicating a Brazilian mother and abortion doctor for aborting the fetus of a nine-year-old rape victim? 

I have to believe that if Jesus is even half of what Christians say he is, he wouldn't be down with that. I have to believe that a truly compassionate person would respond with love and respect. No one wants an abortion like they want a good job or a slice of cheesecake. Anyone with half a brain knows that. I have to believe that the Jesus my parents worship would tell me (should I meet him in the street and tell him I've chosen to go to Planned Parenthood) would tell me that it's okay, I'm still God's child, and ask if I wanted someone to go with me to hold my hand or to ask if I needed someone to drive me home after.

True confession: When I was with the Sailor I had a pregnancy scare. And I'm not kidding, it was a scare. I didn't sleep for two days straight. I did my research and found out that the closest abortion clinic to me was Asheville NC and that no clinic in North Carolina charged any less than $800 for the procedure. I didn't have health insurance and to a person making a little over minimum wage and just out of college, $800 was more money than I saw on a single paycheck--never mind the bills I had to pay. During my research I found a Pregnancy Crisis Center in Boone. Not only was it in Boone but it was literally right next door to my apartment complex. I made an appointment and went and was greeted by a sweet looking Grandma of a woman who was also apparently a nurse. She ushered me into the conference room, sat me down, asked me a few cursory questions and then proceeded with the Crisis help. Wanna know what she did? 

She handed me an EPT box and went over the directions with me--like I couldn't read them for myself. She waited in the conference room while I peed on the stick, she had me put the stick in the middle of the table like some kind of shameful talisman (go ahead, say ick because I did) and while we waited an interminable ten minutes she showed me a binder full of dead fetus pictures. I'd previously told her how late I was so judging by that she was able to show me exactly what the alleged fetus looked like now and what it would look like if I was able to schedule an abortion in the next week. I explained to her that I definitely wanted one if I was in fact pregnant and politely asked her to give me contact information--you know, what they're supposed to do. She sighed heavily, refused to give me the information, and heaped on the judgment until a little line appeared on the indicator stick.

Luckily I wasn't pregnant. I cannot describe to you the relief I felt. I thanked her tightly and left, immediately called the Sailor and we had a relief dinner that was really tense and mono-syllabic because, Good God, what if, right? 

Two weeks later I got a condolence card in the mail from that clinic with a hand written note from the woman saying she was keeping me in her prayers. I was deeply offended that she a) sent a condolence card, and b) that she felt that I needed praying for. Not long after I left Boone, which I should point out is a college town and a liberal arts college at that. Stress on the liberal.

But the sour taste still sticks with me and I can't help thinking that if that's what the non-violent pro-lifers are all about, then what are the serious ones like. Definitely not a group I'd want at my party that's for damn sure.

I guess my larger point is that pregnancy isn't something anyone takes lightly and the idea that women get abortions for fun, or that they purposely put off an abortion until "the fetus has a face" and it's more expensive and harder to get and some would say not legal is preposterous and laughable. It's a medical procedure in which anesthesia is involved and it's a vacuum for God sake. How is that fun on a Friday night? 

To sum up I feel about this about how Voltaire felt about free speech, to paraphrase, "I may not agree with what you say, but I'll defend to the death your right to say it." That's how I feel about abortion, I don't like it, I'm not even sure I agree with it--even for myself, but if you must have it then I firmly believe you should be allowed to have it and that you should be given proper medical care in a safe and sterile environment.

That's all I got. Feel free to dialogue.